The Mesa

As we walked down the steps to the base of the mesa, I admired its beauty. I had no fear about this journey. One of our many adventures in Greece, we were climing to the top of this mesa to watch the sun set and take in the breathtaking view of Santorini. Laughing and talking - we starting climbing the winding path. Unexpectedly, I was overcome with dizziness. I have vertigo when I am in high places, but it had never occured to me that I would experience it now. Tom was far behind me and Coral had gone ahead far in front of me. I paused to ground myself and to wait for Tom. Tom always helps me to feel stong - like I can do anything with him. We started climbing again. Looking for the best rocky places to step and pausing to hold the rocks as we climbed higher. It was better.

Then we came to a landing near the top. Several people were gathered there looking at the ascent straight up the rock to the top. One person was at the bottom guiding climbers - pointing out the steps and the hand holds. At the top, you had to use your arms to lift yourself to the top. I was overcome with fear. One other woman had extreme vertigo and couldn't make the climb. We were going to wait on the landing. I could see others at the top. Coral waived down encouraging me to come up. Finally, there were only three of us left - Tom, myself and the other woman. I was going to try. The woman gave up and decided to make the trip back down. I had a moment of comfort with her sitting on the landing, but I felt like I needed to make the journey. When she saw I was considering climbing up, she left. Tom was willing to sit with me - even though I knew he wasn't afraid and that he would love to be at the top. I love him for that sacrifice.

I was at a very familiar place. The top was so close. I could see it. How many times had I been here? I usually retreated or stayed safely just below. I decided to try. Tom guided me. I placed my first foot and grasped the rock. The next step was big. I reached up but my foot missed. I could feel my legs shaking. I felt myself give up. Tom assured me that he was fine sitting on the landing to watch the sunset. I couldn't believe that I was here again. The only way to the other side was through. I started to cry. I knew that I would keep coming to the place. I felt disappointed, less than and separate. Shiva had often said, "don't leave yourself behind." This is what she meant. Then all of a sudden, I decided - I was going to do it. I stood up and came back to the rock. This time my legs were stronger. All I felt was determination. This was my opportunity. Tom guided me and I came to the last step. I reached up and pulled myself to the top. I heard someone say my name. The others were all gathered in a circle. The circle parted and we stepped in.

I was overcome with emotion. I needed to pause and take it in. We sat in meditation as the sun set over the Aegean. Tears streamed down my face. I felt so many things - happy, part of the whole, and a new freedom. Once again I felt gratitude. In the quiet of mediation, I found peace. How lucky I am to be surrounded by so much in my life - even the challenges. I will never forget the mesa and what it meant to me.

Reflections on Greece

I am filled with gratitude every day. I have just spent an amazing 10 days in Santorini with Shiva. The beauty of Santorini is almost beyond words. I swam in the Aegean Sea, climbed to the top of an ancient mesa - summoning courage to overcome fear of heights - and soaked in the local culture. Probably what made the experience even sweeter was sharing it with friends. Reconnecting with Coral, Luciana, Carlyn and meeting her fiance Rick was the best. Our days were filled with yoga, enjoying the sun, exploring the island, and laughing a lot. Our meals became more like family dinners with a table full of food and sharing and laughter. They had a rhythm all their own and we were all in sync. There are so many memories that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. I don't know when I have felt so free.

Most treasured are my long talks with Coral. I was constantly reminded of the abundance in my life. For the first time, I am fully present and taking in what is already in front of me - what was there all along. Letting feelings of unrest pass through and recognizing that there's no need to push forward. The current of my life is flowing freely.

I feel fortunate to be tasting santosa. It is as sweet as the honey I ate every day in Greece.

Navigating Change

Today is a new day. I am newly on the other side of a huge life change that I've planned for and anticipated for a long time. It's a dream come true. But the process of moving through the change brings the big question: "Now what?" Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not short on answers to this question. I started my day with so many things filling my head, so many things to do, so many options that I was all at once overwhelmed. So I stopped. I think we sometimes are so consumed with the planning that we not only miss the moment right now, but we forget to pause. I returned to gratitude. I need roots in this new place. I just planted new flowers in my garden over the weekend. Today I was so excited to go outside and enjoy their beauty. That's the way I feel about this new phase of my life. I am so excited for the new growth that I can't wait for the blooms. The seeds I have been planting for so long are finally beginning to bloom. So now what? Enjoy.

Lessons in Letting Go

Lately, I find myself facing a very familiar lesson again and again - letting go. I say it in nearly every yoga class, but the process of learning and integrating something into your being doesn't happen until you experience it. Learning to let go is important to clear space for what is next. It's a very natural evolution. If you can tune into the flow of your life, you will find opportunities to create, to nurture, to savor, to inspire, to celebrate and to let go. There is a tendency to hold on for many reasons, but holding on only interrupts and stagnates the flow. What is hard to remember is the new creation or incarnation that is waiting around the corner.

I have such abundance in my life. The path that my life has taken could only have happened by trusting in the flow and letting go when it's time. There is always the temptation to hold on. Sometimes it is seemingly easier to try to control things or to stay in a place that is comfortable, but it is rarely satisfying and immensely more difficult.

As I sit on a plane flying to Los Angeles - a trip I've made so many times before - I am again at the edge of letting go. We have an amazing opportunity to assist our teacher and immerse ourselves in the study of yoga. Reconnect with friends. Expand our community. Renew. The coming weeks are ripe with potential, but I have to be open. Leaving our studio and the incredible community for a few weeks, clearing some space for myself - there is resistance.

And here I am again in the full flow of my life. Staying present and trusting.

Journey of my yoga practice

You’ve been walking the ocean’s edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.
You must dive naked under,
And deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!
- Rumi


The journey of my yoga practice began in a typical way – awakening to the body. There is the thrill of feeling the body work as the mind tries to keep up and the inevitable struggle of control between the mind and the body. But, eventually, the mind surrenders and the breath emerges. For a long time, the part of me that loved classical ballet was driven by mastery of the poses and understanding of the smallest details of alignment. I can remember the first time I was exposed to the form of Ashtanga yoga taught by Pattabhi Jois. How long must it take to master such a practice? I felt at once overwhelmed and almost drowning in this ancient practice. Luckily, I was safely wrapped in a year-long teacher training. Looking back, I had no idea where this river would lead and I dare say that I am only beginning to see glimpses of where it continues to lead. As my teacher training was coming to an end, I can remember distinctly the day that I stared out over the edge and tried to see what was next. I found my next teacher. With very little effort on my part – only the need to surrender to the flow – I came to the edge quite literally with Shiva Rea. The focus of the workshop was working at your edge. I can remember standing in tadasana with my hands in hasta mudra, eyes closed, envisioning standing on the edge. Suddenly, my heart was completely full and I was overwhelmed with the sense that I had found both my work and my teacher. For nearly ten years, I had been feeling that I wanted to work as a personal trainer or some variation. It never felt fully defined and I know now that I could only see it in its seed form. During all of those years, I moved back and forth between control and surrender. But not until I came to yoga did I begin to understand that. What has naturally flowed is a gradual opening to the grace of the practice. The beauty of the breath as it sustains and nurtures me is a something that I have found to be essential to my practice. And that is what I share with students. What I feel in my own body is now the sweetness of the practice. The Rumi poem at the beginning is a very potent reminder for me. How often do we walk just along the edge being ever so careful not to get wet, holding our robes so close? For me, it wasn’t until I dove under did I see a completely different landscape. It is also a reminder that I must continue to dive deeper and surrender. What is waiting is intended for us all.